InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I have an itch."

L I S A T U R P I N (lisaturnip) wrote,
@ 2008-02-10 16:37:00

001
Well, we're certainly fucked, aren't we? Royally fucked indeed. And do I care? No.

"Oh, Lisa, how can you say that?" I hear you cry in dismay. Well, calm down, don't get your bloody knickers (or in the case of my sister, thong) in a twist. The truth is, I'm more concerned about my present condition than any impending doom. I'm concerned about the fact that I've been living in a house with Sluttypants (i.e., my sister) for far too long now. And the fact that I've found a used condom in my room. And the fact that I want to vomit right now. And the fact that I think I'm going to. Oh god, hold on.

Well, that was a gratifying experience. Nothing like getting revenge by sicking up in someone's pillow. Almost as gratifying as the time I chopped up her clothes with pruning shears, but the payback for that was brutal, so let's not go there, shall we? No, I am much more concerned with my present misery than anything else, no matter how horrible some people may find that to be. Yes, I'm selfish. I'll be the first to admit that. But you try living with a conceited nutter who's in love with her own reflection and has the mental age of a reasonably intelligent chimpanzee (which makes sense if you consider the fact that monkeys are attracted to their reflections, too).

Oh shit, she's found the pillow. And when provoked she lashes out in bestial and violent ways. Rather like a monkey, I'd imagine. I'll really have to look into that one.

You know, this almost makes me look forward to go back to Hogwarts. Almost.

(Post a new comment)

	ent 2008-02-10 10:46 pm UTC (link)
	Well....I hope you had...a nice summer, Lisa. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	lisaturnip 2008-02-10 11:09 pm UTC (link)
	I didn't, but that's as per usual. I bet your summer was pleasant, though. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ent 2008-02-12 04:20 am UTC (link)
	It wasn't perfect, but it wasn't horrible either. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lisaturnip 2008-02-12 05:03 am UTC (link)
	Well, I'd say that's loads better than struggling not to take your own life every 5 seconds. See? I can be optimistic, too! (Reply to this) (Parent)

	demzlikewhoa 2008-02-10 10:59 pm UTC (link)
	Hahaha, monkey. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	lisaturnip 2008-02-10 11:12 pm UTC (link)
	It's what she is. Except a very, very tarty one. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	demzlikewhoa 2008-02-10 11:13 pm UTC (link)
	Hmm, a tarty monkey. I'll save that in case someone ticks me off one day. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lisaturnip 2008-02-11 12:35 am UTC (link)
	In what kind of conversation would you use that? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	demzlikewhoa 2008-02-11 12:43 am UTC (link)
	Not a very nice one? I'll let you know when it comes up. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	crnr 2008-02-10 11:05 pm UTC (link)
	Lisa you give your sister so much unnecessary grief. She's a really nice bird, I like her loads. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	lisaturnip 2008-02-10 11:13 pm UTC (link)
	You like her tits loads, not her. There's a difference, Michael. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	crnr 2008-02-10 11:27 pm UTC (link)
	Just because I notice how she looks and acts around me doesn't mean you should scorn me. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lisaturnip 2008-02-10 11:38 pm UTC (link)
	I'm not scorning, I'm just being honest. She acts that way around anyone with a Y chromosome. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	crnr 2008-02-11 12:10 am UTC (link)
	Sorry I'm a male? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lisaturnip 2008-02-11 12:34 am UTC (link)
	Oh, don't apologize. You can't help it if you think about sex every 45 seconds. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	crnr 2008-02-11 01:08 am UTC (link)
	I'm special. Its around 15 for me. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lisaturnip 2008-02-11 01:42 am UTC (link)
	That's not even healthy. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	crnr 2008-02-12 06:43 pm UTC (link)
	Jealous much? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lisaturnip 2008-02-12 07:17 pm UTC (link)
	Hardly. How are you even able to process other thoughts? Wouldn't it go something like "I'm so excited sex to go back to Hogwarts sex for my last year sex sex!" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	shakespearian 2008-02-12 10:54 pm UTC (link)
	That actually sounds about right. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lisaturnip 2008-02-13 02:37 am UTC (link)
	You people are disgusting. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	shakespearian 2008-02-14 07:41 am UTC (link)
	No. Just normal. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lisaturnip 2008-02-14 06:27 pm UTC (link)
	That doesn't make it exempt from disgusting. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	shakespearian 2008-02-14 09:50 pm UTC (link)
	That is your opinion, Lisa. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	demzlikewhoa 2008-02-12 06:37 am UTC (link)
	~~12, I win.~~ Such stamina! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	crnr 2008-02-12 06:43 pm UTC (link)
	I know. Glad someone else appreciates it. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	shakespearian 2008-02-11 01:50 am UTC (link)
	The day my sister moved out was the happiest day of my life. Good luck getting there? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	lisaturnip 2008-02-11 01:54 am UTC (link)
	Thanks, but I doubt she'll move out anytime soon. She's graduated and all, but she's too lazy to get an actual job and her own place. According to her modeling is her career, but you're not really a model unless you're actually getting work, now are you? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	shakespearian 2008-02-11 11:13 pm UTC (link)
	Well that's fucked up my Dad would have forced her to get a job ages ago. I think older sisters are the worst sort of siblings. Good luck ignoring the aspiring model for just a few more days and you'll be rid of her until Christmas. I suppose. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

lisaturnip
2008-02-11 11:51 pm UTC (link)

I'm sure they are. Especially ones with over-inflated egos who prance around with skirts so short you wonder why they even bothered to wear them at all. Just be glad your sister isn't a nymphomaniac. Unless she is, in which case I'm very sorry for you.

I try to do my best at blocking her out, but she lives and breathes to make my life a misery (not that she has to try that hard). Just a few minutes ago she was chewing in my ear, because she knows how much that irritates me. Sometimes I think she gets up in the mornings and thinks "Hm, how can I make Lisa's life even more miserable?" No, in fact, I know she does. Pure evil.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	shakespearian 2008-02-12 10:53 pm UTC (link)
	Mine has an over-inflated ego and gets a perverse pleasure out of seeing me get int trouble. But she is not a nymphomaniac as far as I know. Can't you smack her or something? Or is that not wise? I suppose having Snapple as Headmaster is preferable to living with your sister? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

lisaturnip
2008-02-13 02:31 am UTC (link)

Oh, I've smacked her on several occasions, but she's so tall that she has the upper hand. Literally.

Good point, Snapple isn't anywhere near as irritating as Belinda, so there's a plus. Except if you say mean and clever things to him he won't have to struggle to think of an equally clever comeback for ages and then give up and sulk away. He'll just give you a detention and some verbal abuse. Shame.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	shakespearian 2008-02-14 07:40 am UTC (link)
	Alright Lisa, that's enough. Your life is just depressing me now, it's even reminding me of King Lear and that's easily my least favorite play. Snapple's verbal abuse isn't that bad and at least he doesn't have a non- existent modeling career. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lisaturnip 2008-02-14 06:19 pm UTC (link)
	Oh believe me, it gets even more depressing, but I'll spare you the details for the benefit of your own mental health. And thank god for that, honestly. That conjures up horrible mental images of Snapple strutting down a runway in tiny dresses. Ugh. (Reply to this) (Parent)